On Friday I got a dog. It is something I have wanted to do for a long time but felt to transient to get one. I have an 11 year old cat that I adore. I was concerned if they would get along. So far so good.
Something happened that I was totally unprepared for. I have been missing my ex like crazy. We have been apart for almost 4 months after 3 years of being together. Why did this dog suddenly make me miss him so much? Is it because we wanted to get a dog together?
I have been thinking alot about the good times we had at the beginning. It was a very emotional break up. He broke it off with me saying he couldn't be in a relationship until he worked his emotional issues out. I felt rejected. I look back and think about all the things I could have done differently. Could I have changed things? Probably not. The problems were not all me. They were the both of us. He made mistakes and so did I.
I called him yesterday to tell him about the new dog. He told me his dad had fallen and hurt himself. I called his dad to see if he would like to me bring the new dog over to meet his dog. We talked for a bit and decided he needed to get a little better first. I hung up the phone and cried. I don't know why. I thought I was totally over this guy. I haven't had amorous feelings for him for some time how. But suddenly, there I was, balling all over again.
I decided a long time ago that I did not want kids. Instead I want a man and a house full of pets. I thought he was the one. I think at one point he did too. Talking with his dad made me realize how lonely I am. I have gone on dates but mostly with guys I know are bad for me. I was hoping this little pooch would help me not fall into my old destructive behaviors I did before I was in the relationship with my ex. Drinking too much, sleeping with players, going out until all hours on the weekends, playing with men's emotions to make myself feel in control. That was a major factor in getting this pooch was to try and keep myself in check . Can't stay out all night because I have a furry friend at home waiting to go outside and pee. It has had a very different effect though. As I type this, my eyes are misty and want to call my ex and tell him how much I miss him. But I doubt he wants me back and I will only be met with more rejection. Fuck. I have to go get a towel. I can't blink the tears back anymore.
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